Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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