Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
