I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
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