I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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