I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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