i just had sex bonerless
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
I'm at about main and main street
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
foreskin is a definite game changer
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
