If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
