you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize