This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
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