You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
