He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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