I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
