I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Randomize
