you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
