apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Randomize
