as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
