I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
