I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
