Dude my mom stole all your condoms
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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