I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize