i was born a porn star she said
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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