not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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