Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize