dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Randomize
