I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Randomize
