Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
