SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
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