Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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