Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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