my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
lets start a swedish sibling band together
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
