Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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