I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
