I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
