I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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