You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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