Who wears a wallet chain?!
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
