My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
