After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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