it hurts more in the daytime
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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