1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize
