Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
