so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
