i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Never underestimate the power of titties
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
