She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
