Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
