if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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