it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I deserve to be covered in dicks
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
