apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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