weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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