The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
