I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
