so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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