we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
