4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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