i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
