she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
