Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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