So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
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