so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
You are the jesus of drinking
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
