I like to think it a success when the cops are called
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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