So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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