In the future we'll all be gay
What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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