Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
