This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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