I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
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