Do you still have your period?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
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