Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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