You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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