I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
i need some magic done to my vagina
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
