so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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