We're like a lot better than the average bears
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
