I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
