I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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