I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
